


The Things We're Not

by aeriiin



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Confessions, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Violence, Sort of Cuddle Buddies, don't worry they get better, sort of fwb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-29 06:05:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18772759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aeriiin/pseuds/aeriiin
Summary: They weren’t dating. Not really. Not at all.There was definitely no romantic feelings as far as he could tell; just two friends who knew when words weren’t enough to soothe the other.Genji didn’t used to think they were a complicated thing.





	The Things We're Not

 

They weren’t dating _._ Not really. Not at all.

 

Dating was… different than what he and Baptiste did. Dating meant, well, _dates_. Outings that usually involved some kind of dinner or a movie, something sweet and romantic. Getting-to-know-you questions, nice clothes, wanting to impress the other -- everything Genji did well back when he was a wayward youth without a care in the world.

 

Dating was nothing like their late night meetings that often ended with sharing a bed, both platonically and not-so-platonically. It wasn’t at all like them cracking dry and sardonic jokes on the battlefield, or Genji seeking out Baptiste when he couldn’t sleep just so he had someone near him when he woke. And dating _definitely_ wasn’t what he saw the two of them as doing.

 

They enjoyed each other’s company. They liked being near one another and spent a good amount of time together. Sometimes they liked being intimate, though that was not nearly as common as them just sleeping in the same bed for the night. There was definitely no romantic feelings as far as he could tell; just two friends who knew when words weren’t enough to soothe the other.

 

Genji didn’t used to think they were a complicated thing.

 

“Didn’t used to”, though, is a past-tense phrase, and one he only started thinking about two months back.

 

It all started when he learned his brother and McCree had been secretly together for the better half of the year. The reveal had been… intense, for the lack of better words, after a near-death experience lead to a rather passionate kiss, but nevertheless he was happy for the two of them finding love in these trying times.

 

Sometime after that, he remembered coming in to the med-bay to visit an injured Hanzo, only to find Hanzo with McCree seated beside the bed fast asleep, their hands joined together on Hanzo’s lap.

 

Genji watched the way Hanzo stared down at McCree, smiling and rubbing circles into McCree’s hand with his bandaged hand. It was such a simple gesture and a simple look, but one that spoke to great lengths of their feelings.

 

“You are happy,” he’d stated from the doorway in a low whisper. Hanzo had glanced up, startled but not horribly so at being ‘caught in the act’. “ _He_ makes you happy.”

 

“I,” Hanzo had started before settling his gaze back down to McCree with a warm grin, “Yes, he does.” The smile turned wry as he shrugged, “His silly pet names, notwithstanding.”

 

“And here I thought he was just being friendly when he called you ‘sweetheart’.” Genji laughed before looking down at McCree himself. He would have left the conversation there, but a last minute question jumped out of his mouth in a hurry.

 

“But you are his boyfriend, though, yes? That’s what you call one another?”

 

Hanzo had, understandably, stared at him as if he had spoken another language, speaking slowly in turn to his brother. “I… tend to prefer ‘partner’ over ‘boyfriend’, but yes. The sentiment still stands.” He tilted his head in question, “Why, do you not call Baptiste similar things?”

 

“Me and… What?” Genji shook his head. “We aren’t dating. What gave you that impression?”

 

His brother held up a hand, counting on his fingers one by one, “You’re together more often than not. You two are constantly flirting back and forth like teenagers.” The last one had Hanzo rolling his eyes. “Have you even seen how he looks at you?”

 

The rest of the conversation was a blur, one of them had cracked a joke or something and the topic shifted into something more palatable, something that didn’t make Genji nearly freeze in place the longer he thought on Hanzo’s words.

 

It had been such a simple chat, until it wasn’t.

 

When Hanzo recovered, Genji saw his brother and McCree walking around the base more often, more openly and closer than before. They did a lot together. Ate meals together, sat together in the rec room, trained together in the shooting range. They didn’t ‘date’, not really. They just _were_ , and it seemed like that was perfect for them.

 

It was… nice to see them so happy, and it made Genji think.

 

Zenyatta had once told him he was a loud thinker, that he had a ‘face’ to him when he was deep in thought. Genji had fired back that was impossible; his face plate hid his emotions.

 

But he imagined that, once again, his teacher might have been onto something, when late one night Baptiste sat up in their shared bed (Baptiste’s room, this time) and leaned on one arm.

 

“Something wrong, Genji?”

 

 _Everything. Nothing. It doesn’t matter,_ he thought all at once. Outloud, he shook his head and leaned back into the pillow. “It’s nothing,” he finally decided.

 

“That doesn’t sound like a ‘it’s nothing’ voice.” Baptiste placed a warm, steady hand on Genji’s shoulder, firm and comforting except that it wasn’t.  “What’s on your mind? You can tell me.”

 

It was ridiculous. _He_ was being ridiculous. They weren’t complicated. They weren’t dating. They weren’t anything. They weren’t.

 

...But _could_ they be?

 

He never once thought of where this thing of theirs might go, or what it even was. There never felt like there was a need to do so.

 

Genji could still see the look of shock and disbelief on Hanzo’s face when he had told him they weren’t anything.

 

_Have you even seen how he looks at you?_

 

He had seen the way Hanzo looked at McCree, adoring and warm and smiling brightly for no particular reason. He didn’t know what to think of the idea that Baptiste could be looking at him in the same way.

 

Though, the thought alone certainly made his heart beat faster, and oh, how that was a dangerous thing.

 

He rolled over to face Baptiste, regretting that he had taken off his face plate. There was nothing to hide behind, nothing but his own ugly uncertainty.

 

“Are we dating?”

 

The words felt awkward, too brash and too bold and far too loud for this quiet, quiet room. Genji felt that familiar flutter in his chest, like a bird stuck in a cage far too small, as he watched Baptiste’s face twist into confusion.

 

“Dating?” Baptiste let out a small chuckle. “ _Us_? Did someone say we were dating?”

 

Suddenly, the silence felt too much, and the bird stopped. His mouth ran dry and a tightness in his throat as he asked again, firmer this time. “Are we dating, or am I wrong, Baptiste?”

 

“I mean, I don’t…” The man suddenly cut himself short, and quirked up a brow. “Seriously, are you okay, Genji? This is coming out of nowhere; what made you bring all this up?”

 

“Because I want to know.” Genji sat up with a start, blankets pooling at his waist. Baptiste was staring at him intently, the easygoing smile slipping from his face into a look of concern, and that somehow made everything hurt more.

 

“Because I do not wish for this,” he gestured between them, “To be only about this,” and he angrily gestured back to the bedsheets. “I have done _this_ enough times in the past, and I don’t wish to keep repeating my mistakes.”

 

“Whoa, whoa, easy there, easy there!” He held up his hands as if easing a fussy child, and Genji felt a lump of anger form in his stomach as he pushed Baptiste’s ‘soothing’ hands aside. “I thought... we were just having a bit of fun here, Genji, I didn’t--”

 

“You haven’t _answered_ me.” He winced at the sound of his own voice cracking.

 

“I--”

 

“It’s a yes or no question, Baptiste.” Genji gave a shuddering sigh. Zenyatta’s teachings be damned, anger and hurt were slowly crawling through his veins and taking hold of him with cold fingers. “Because I _know_ what I want.”

 

Baptiste sat forward, his eyes wide and his mouth half-open. “I…” He gripped the sheets, looked at Genji for a long, long time. Still, he said nothing, and eventually hung his head, a sad grimace on his face.

 

That was all the answer Genji needed.

 

Neither of them sad a word as Genji grabbed his things, his mask and his meds for the night, and left the room without so much as a ‘Goodnight’ to the man in the bed.

 

His own bed was cold that night, and Genji curled into an impossibly tight cocoon on the mattress he always joked was too small for two people. Thankfully, sleep took him for the night before he could feel the first of his tears roll down his face.

 

\----

 

Genji had woken up at noon the next day, and had gone about his business as usual, his body heavy and his chest aching fiercely as if he hadn’t slept at all the night before.

 

He outright missed morning meditation with Zenyatta, who forgave him readily and instead gave him his space, Iris bless him.

 

Twice during lunch, Angela asked if he was feeling alright -- should she run a quick test for XYZ, should she examine him for possible joint damage, was he eating enough-- and each time he reiterated that he was as fine as he could be.

 

And during the afternoon mission briefing, Winston had asked him something, but Genji had forgotten his answer halfway through. The ape gave him a worried look.

 

“Are you sure you’ll be up for the task tomorrow, agent? I don’t think this will be a hard mission, but if you are feeling unwell--”

 

Genji raised a hand to stop him and shook his head. “I am fine, Commander. My apologies; I did not sleep well.”

 

Winston hesitantly moved on with a nod, and turned to the rest of the room, “Everyone, rest well then. You all have your assigned groups and your missions for this, uh, mission. We’ll be leaving in the morning bright and early, so be in the hangars by seven o’clock sharp. If all goes well, we could very well be home by tomorrow afternoon.”

 

They all shuffled out in a herd and dispersed to go pack, though a tap to Genji’s shoulder stopped him in his tracks and he spun around to see Hanzo, with a stern frown and a worried brow.

 

 _“You are a terrible liar.”_ Hanzo’s voice was clipped as he switched to Japanese and ushered them to one side of the hall.

 

He couldn’t help but roll his eyes. _“Good afternoon to you too, brother. Lovely weather we’re having.”_

 

 _“Don’t get smart with me.”_ Hanzo grumbled, _“You were distracted in the meeting. Don’t lie, you aren’t okay, are you?”_

 

Genji bristled, but said nothing. His brother gave a long sigh, his aggravation leaving his face and instead was replaced with a look he hadn’t seen in years of brotherly concern and worry.

 

_“It’s about you and Baptiste, isn’t it?”_

 

Genji grit his teeth and balled his fists, a reaction that surprised even himself. The ache in his chest deepened at the name. _“That’s none of your concern.”_

 

 _“I was right, then.”_ Hanzo sadly shook his head. _“I thought so after our conversation the other day, but to see you now…”_ He took a step back and gave a low bow. _“I apologize for my assumption, and I am sorry if I offended you.”_

 

The gesture caught him off-guard and he balked as Hanzo rose back up. _“There’s no need for that. You did nothing wrong.”_

 

His brother frowned. _“I assumed your relationship with Baptiste was like mine and Jesse’s, and I shouldn’t have--”_

 

 _“Hanzo, you weren’t in the wrong here,”_ Genji interrupted, not wanting to hear about how his brother’s romance was going. Not when his heart felt like it was torn in two, and not when there was a mission on the horizon. He sighed heavily. _“You… actually helped me more than you think.”_

 

 _“What do you mean?”_ Hanzo tilted his head. _“Did something happen between you two?”_

 

Genji felt his face grow hot with shame and embarrassment at the memory of last night. For good measures, he turned to look up and down the hallway, and only turned back to Hanzo when he was certain no one was around.

 

 _“Seeing you and Jesse so… happy together made me realize that I wasn’t happy. I wanted what you two had. It reminded me of who I used to be, how I used to date others. And I realized that what you had was far better than any of those past relationships. And,”_ he dropped his gaze to the floor. _“And I realized I wanted to have that kind of connection… with him.”_

 

It somehow felt more painful to admit such a thing out loud, and the dull ache rose to a stinging hot pain as he fought to keep his voice even. _“I… Last night, I told him as much, and it appears we did not share the same feelings on the matter.”_

 

 _“What?”_ Hanzo balked. _“Are you sure?”_

 

 _“It seemed clear enough to me.”_ Genji felt his steam vents hiss as his body worked to cool himself off, and he shook his head, turning to the resident halls in a sharp turn. “I need to go pack now. See you when we get back tomorrow, Hanzo.”

 

“Genji, wait--”

 

Once again, he didn’t wait for someone to finish their thought before taking his leave and heading back to his room.

 

\----

 

“Three more down to the west,” Genji relayed into the comm.

 

 _“Copy that, agent. You are clear to advance.”_ Pharah confirmed, the sound of her rocket jets coming through the speaker. _“Hostiles are converging on Market Plaza from all angles, so keep your wits about you.”_

 

“No need to worry about us, Rocket Queen!” D.Va’s mic made a strange feedback sound on Genji’s end with her being so close, and Pharah gave a small chuckle when Genji whined at the noise. “We got this!”

  


_“I’ll keep an eye on the skies for you, then.”_ Quickly, she added, _“Stay together, and stay safe. Pharah out.”_

 

Genji nodded and took his hand off his comm line just as the coursing pain from his side made itself known once more. A nasty run-in with a heavy-assault unit had left his armor with a large dent right over his left rib cage, and it was beginning to cut into his skin with every sudden movement he made. Breathing was… manageable for the time being, but it wasn’t getting any easier as time dragged on.

 

He sucked in a sharp breath through his nose and coughed, the action causing a horrible feedback loop of pain. Nope, definitely getting worse.

 

“You sure you’re going to be alright, Genji?” D.Va urged from beside him. Her MEKA was in marginally better condition overall, but the pilot herself was uninjured. “We should probably try to radio for some repairs, or at least, not power through like we’ve been doing for the past half hour. Baptiste shouldn’t be that far--”

 

_The pain is nothing, it is nothing, it is nothing._

 

“I’m fine.” He insisted curtly, and hopped back up onto the pink MEKA. “We need to hurry if we’re going to intercept the enemy.”

 

“If there’s any of you left by the time we get there.” He heard D.Va remark before the mech roared to life and took off once more.

 

Two more streets of travel yielded another surprise attack by Talon forces.  D.Va’s mech took the brunt of the initial ambush, and forced her out with nothing but a light pistol as a full-on fight broke out.

 

His mind already racing, he didn’t heard D.Va call out to him in time.

 

“Genji, on your right!”

 

The butt of a gun slugged him across the face with enough force to knock his mask askew. He cried out in pain, _it’s nothing, it’s nothing, it’s nothing._ He slumped to the ground, the world spinning, everything ringing, _it’s nothing, it’s nothing, it’s nothing._

 

Another blow came shortly after, a swift kick to the side that only further bent his armor inward and cause him to gasp for air. Genji coughed and something splattered against the inside of his face-plate.

 

“Genji!”

 

D.Va sounded so distant. His side was nothing but screaming, white-hot pain, and his lungs felt heavy. But he couldn’t stop moving. His motions automatic, his hand gripped his wakizashi like a lifeline, and made one desperate swipe all around him.

 

Genji felt more than heard the dying breaths of his enemies against the blade as he rushed by them. They fell-- one, two, three, four in heaps on the asphalt, and the ninja’s legs finally gave out from under him. His sword clattered to the ground, but he was tired.

 

He was very tired. _It’s nothing, this pain is nothing._

 

D.Va rushed to him, hair in her face as she dialed the comm line, her hands frantically searching  for injuries she didn’t know how to look for in the first place. “T-team 3 to command, come in, command! We got hit badly -- my MEKA’s toast a-and Genji’s hurt really bad!”

 

Genji groaned and tried to speak, but found he had no strength to do so.

 

“We’re at the intersection of Raleigh and Promenade,” she continued, worrying her lip in between silences, “I don’t-- I don’t _know_ if he’s bleeding! … I can’t tell! I’m not a medic! ….We don’t _have_ any cover! He’s too heavy for me to drag him anyway! … Okay … Okay, copy that. Just, just hurry, okay, Baptiste? D.Va out.”

 

The pilot clicked off her comm mic and looked down at Genji. Her face was stone but her voice sounded panicked as she gently shook his shoulder, “Stay with me, Genji! We’re getting you out of here soon, okay? Hang in there!”

 

_Baptiste._

 

It was odd how even now, with his pain and his aches, that just the name could bring forth the imagine in his mind of that warm smile.

 

Warm. Like the sun beating down on his face.

 

Like the asphalt he was lying across.

 

Like the arms he felt curl around him and lift him up.

 

Genji turned his head to look up at the combat medic carrying him, and frowned when he saw his face.

 

No warm smile. No warm eyes. Baptiste’s face was one of fear as he carried him into the Orca.

  


_I want to see you smile again,_ he thought glumly, ass the last of his consciousness faded from his mind and left him in inky darkness.

 

\----

 

He wasn’t awake. Not really. Not entirely.

 

It was an on-and-off feeling. There were moments where he was up and conscious, little bursts of color and sound, but they never lasted long before he fell back asleep, if one could even call it sleep. Time flowed strangely for him in that state, like water or molasses; either he had been asleep for only a few minutes, or a few days.

 

Dr. Ziegler’s shoes approaching his bed was what woke him this next time.

 

“Good morning, Genji,” she cooed as he sat up with a grunt, the tenderness in his side making it all the more difficult. The doctor sighed, “I know, I’m evil for making you sit up, but it’s time for you next dose.”

 

She busied herself quickly with the IV lines, humming half under her breath  as she move around the medical bed. It was an old song and dance at this point, one they had perfected around his first year in Overwatch, and one that never failed to make him feel at ease.

 

Well, as ‘at ease’ as one could feel when they were only a torso with arms. Yet another casualty in the battle, he presumed. He didn’t remember when he had gotten hit in his right leg, but the damage was enough to force repairs to both the armor and prostheses. They were a common problem for him, with how rigorously he tended to use them, and in the past, he was often discharged with a wheelchair until they were fixed.

 

But with everything else he had endured this past mission, it was safe to say that he would be bedridden for at least another day or so.

 

“That should do it.” Dr. Ziegler eventually stepped aside with a nod to Genji. “I will be back in an hour to see how you are doing. Call me if you need anything. As usual.” She huffed out the last part in frustration. “Your visiting hours open now, but don’t push yourself.”

 

“Understood, Doctor.” He bowed his head with a small smile. “Thank you, as usual.”

 

“I’ll be in my office should you need me.” She smiled back with a head-shaking sigh, and suddenly Dr. Ziegler was Angela once more, her shoulders slumping with relief. “But please, don’t need me.”

 

He laughed as she made her way back to her office across the large room and shut the door with a soft click.

 

The visits that came after that were sporadic. D.Va dropped by with Jesse for a while, the former berating him for not asking for help sooner, which he agreed was stupid of him, while the latter updated him on everything that’s been happening around the base. Pharah was brief, still in the throes of reports from the mission, but was glad to see he was recovering.

 

Hanzo even stopped in to sneak him some shrimp chips with a flowery ‘get well soon’ card stapled to the front. On the inside, it read in blocky letters, “Stop making me buy get well cards,” and Genji went into a cough fit trying to contain his laughter.

 

Everything was going well enough, until it wasn’t.

 

Until the one person he didn’t and did want to see the most showed up, a small bouquet of flowers in hand and an surprisingly shy smile on his face.

 

“Hey there,” Baptiste waved from the doorway. “Is, uh.. Is it good if I come in?”

 

_No. Leave me alone. Yes. Stay here with me._

 

Genji nodded quietly, not trusting his own voice at that moment to say the right thing, if there was a ‘right thing’ to say.

 

Hesitantly, Baptiste came forward and took a seat beside his bed. His grin didn’t quite reach his eyes as he held up the bouquet of white and yellow flowers to him, “I... didn’t know if you liked flowers but I ended up getting them because a lot of the cards were weird.”

 

He took the bouquet in hand, and his heart fluttered in spite of itself. They were a bit dry, some of the leaves on the stems already breaking off and falling into the depths of the crinkly plastic that surrounded the flowers, and he couldn’t fight the smile that wormed its way up onto his face.

 

They very much were not ‘get well soon’ flowers, and Genji had the feeling both of them knew that.

 

“How are you feeling?”

 

It was an easy, safe question, and one he answered in a similar way, “Better.”

 

“That’s good, that’s good.” Baptiste smiled, and again, it didn’t reach his eyes. Come to think of it, he looked far more tired than he usually did, and he was clearing his throat often.

 

“Are you alright?”

 

The medic laughed dryly and shook his head in disbelief. “The man with no legs asks me if _I’m_ alright.”

 

Genji half-grinned in that brief moment as a sense of something familiar rose inside him. Familiar, ike when he was younger and tried to wear old clothes he used to love, or when Hanzo made a joke that reminded them of before.

 

But it wasn’t quite right, and he wondered if Baptiste felt it too.

 

Genji hated everything about this. He hated the awkward way they were dancing around the elephant in the room. He hated how they spoke to one another, as if they were the strangers they were back when Baptiste first joined. He hated that at that very moment, he just wanted to hold the other’s hand and take away the hurt in his eyes.

 

The hurt _he_ probably caused when he put Baptiste on the spot the other night. That was the worst of it, honestly, and his gut was tying itself in knots just thinking about it.

 

Genji set the flowers down at the base of the bed and sat back against his pillow, looking down at his hands. “I’m sorry.”

 

It sounded wrong out loud, but he doubted it would ever sound right to begin with. Beside him, Baptiste flinched.

 

“I… what?”

 

“I’m sorry for the way I acted.” Genji shuddered and felt the beginning pin-pricks of tears forming. “I didn’t mean to lose my temper like that. You didn’t deserve that, and I shouldn’t have pushed you to respond one way or another.”

 

“Whoa, whoa, hey, no, no. You don’t need to apologize.” Baptiste put a hand on the rail of the bed, and Genji looked up in time to see him staring directly into his eyes. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

 

Genji frowned. This was definitely not how he pictured this all going, and he shifted so he was sitting taller in bed. “I… don’t follow.”

 

“Genji,” Baptiste started, then shook his head and rubbed the back of his neck with a huff, “ _I_ should be the one apologizing here. I’m the sorry one here, I shouldn’t have… Or, I _should_ have said something to you… I… Bah!” He threw his hands up in the air. “ _Mèd,_ why is this so hard?”

 

The sudden frustration took him by surprise, and all at once, the calm, cool composure he had come to know of Baptiste came crumbling apart. He was bouncing his leg, his eyes darting this way and that as he chewed on his lip in thought, a quirk he never knew how endearing he found it until just then.

 

“Wait, Baptiste,” Genji put his hand on the bar of the bed beside the other’s, and he saw those torn eyes shift to him in an instant. “This is… I’m not sure I follow you. When you say you should have said something,” he licked his lips nervously. “Why didn’t you?”

The medic shrugged. “Because... I was afraid.”

 

“Afraid?”

 

Baptiste sighed heavily through his nose and ran a hand through his hair, his gaze dropping down to the floor. “I’ve told you before, I am not a brave man. Not at all. I frighten easily and I don’t always make the best decisions when I am afraid. When things look dire, I run away, or find the side that’s winning.”

 

“But that's... not who I want to be anymore. I made a vow when I came here that I would face these things head on.” He shook his head bitterly. “You asked me what I wanted, and I was scared because I didn’t know. But now, I do.”

 

Genji wasn’t even sure he was breathing anymore. He watched as Baptiste carefully reached forward and took hold of his hand, squeezing the metallic limb firmly as if he would fly away if he didn’t.

 

“I want you by my side, because the thought of us ending, the thought of you going where I can’t follow, is _terrifying_.”

 

With a slow, measured movement, Baptiste pressed his lips gently to the back of his fingers and curled his other hand around Genji’s hand. “I want to be with you, and I’m sorry that I didn’t realize that sooner.”

 

If he wasn’t crying before, Genji knew he was now. With no ability to form words with choking up, he pulled Baptiste forward into his arms and sighed when he felt those strong arms wrap around him as well.

 

They weren’t perfect. Not really. Not by a long shot.

 

But they were learning, and that’s all that mattered.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading :D
> 
> I wanted to give my love to this newer ship and I've had this idea for some time now, but finally kicked myself to just write it out already whoops
> 
> As always, you can find me over at my [twitter](https://twitter.com/aerihead/)!


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